I’M A CANOE

(after Flanders and Swann) 

I was thinking about sailing as I strolled along a stream 

When I met a young man standing by the shore 

He was discussing boating trivia with his girlfriend called Olivia 

And which was best, a paddle or an oar 

So I asked, What boat is that? He replied, “That’s a kayak 

And I’d have gone on thinking this was true 

If the boat of which we spoke hadn’t yelled out, Please don’t joke 

A kayak I am not! I’m a canoe. 

I’m a canoe, I’m a canoe 

I’m the c-nicest sort of canoe, how do you do? 

I’m a canoe, so don’t misconstrue 

You really ought to c-know c-who’s c-who 

I’m not a kayak. I think you should know that. 

For this chap who thinks I’m that has not a c-clue 

I don’t come from Timbucktoo, Katmandu or C-C-Crewe 

A fanfare please on your kazoo! I’m a canoe 

I’m a canoe, I’m a canoe 

And I’m in a slalom race at half-past two 

I’m a canoe, I’m a canoe 

And I’m after an Olympic gold or two 

I’m a canoe, a c-nifty canoe  

And canoeing is the c-thing that I can do 

And so, my friends, to you -adieu, I’m must away to find my crew 

I’m not a kayak 

C-no, c-no 

I am a canoe