Compliments of Shakespeare

A poem inspired by Shakespeare’s insults

You poisonous, slimy, bunch-backed toad,

you coward, beggar, shallow rogue –

your villainous smell offends my nose!

You’re rank, you make me sick.

You elvish, starveling, stinky hog,

if only you’d been born a dog

I’d like you more.

But no. Instead, you’re like a sore,

you’re like a boil I’d like to pop.

You’re speaking but I wish you’d stop.

You’re lily-livered, knotty, proud,

your February face is full of cloud –

you’re lumpy, foul, all froth and scum.

I have to say I think your bum

is the best thing about you.