Watch Your French

When my mum tipped a panful of red-hot fat
Over her foot, she did quite a little chat,
And I won’t tell you what she said
But it wasn’t:
‘Fancy that!
I must try in future to be more careful
With this red-hot scalding fat!’

When my dad fell over and landed – splat! –
With a trayful of drinks (he’d tripped over the cat)
I won’t tell you what he said
But it wasn’t
‘Fancy that!
I must try in future to be more careful
To step round our splendid cat!’

When Uncle Joe brought me a cowboy hat
Back from the States, the dog stomped it flat,
And I won’t tell you what I said
But Mum and Dad yelled:
‘STOP THAT!
Where did you learn that appalling language?
Come on. Where?’

‘I’ve no idea,’ I said,
‘No idea.’